Uh Oh: Myspace Just Sold All the Data About Your Emo Phase to the Russians

Well, this isn’t good.

Coheed Analytica, a data firm out of the United Kingdom that specializes in using people’s emo phases to undercut the authenticity of their current personas, has been exposed as having scraped the data for each emo myspace user and then selling that to the Russians, who have long sought to disrupt scene politics.Yup, you read that right- data showing every single profile song you chose, swoopy haircut selfie you posted, and bulletin you wrote has been sold to the Russians.

Proof is out that there was no house fire, no crazy ex girlfriend with a pair of scissors, no squirral invasion of your mothers loft for those old ‘Skinhead Photos’

Literally no one is going to believe you are a skinhead now. You’re fucked.

Even worse, people now rocking the Warrior catalogue and going to nostalgia-filled DJ nights may be exposed as ex-Mods who never even had an Emo phase.

Fuck off vladimir!

A spokesman said ”Our members are very concerned that our Ebay buying history maybe next inline for Russian intelligence, which will really rumble a few ‘faces’.

Of course Tom from Myspace is completely silent, refusing to acknowledge the invasion of privacy and serious undercutting of credibility this data breach presents. His lack of morals is one of the reasons I moved over to Facebook!